Just Married?
by MuchaLuchaAndMe
Summary: Edward has a seriously weird dream. I don't think he's ready for marrige quite yet. I made this story for a little contest I'm doing. Read and Reveiw please.


**Well, this is gonna be a crack filled joy ride for Edward. It's not a terribly funny story(Sorry), but I tried my best. Oh well. Well, I made this for a little contest thing that I really should have done a loooooooong time ago, but her it is. Finally. So be grateful. Bleh.**

**Can of Disclaimer: All I own is Edwards dream, this story, and I got chips…!**

**I hope Joe has chips. Maybe we can share. He also owns Camp Lazlo. (YAY!)**

'**Kay, well, here comes the story!**

_**-Just Married?-**_

"Oh, Edward, I'm so happy for you!"

Edward stood there, mouth agape, the warmth and the strangulation was strong within in this one. He stared at Lazlo, whom was hugging him. He couldn't believe it. What was only a couple of seconds felt like an hour. Edward quickly struggled to push Lazlo off of him, finally accomplishing his task. He feel back, onto the cherry blossom cover grass. Confused as to why there would be cherry blossom trees in Camp Kidney, he shot up. "THE HECK?" He glared at the beaming monkey.

"Ha ha ha! Oh, Edward you're nervous! Don't worry, it happens to all of those who are getting married!" Lazlo smiled while stuck a smiley face sticker on his forehead. "Wait, married?" Edward quickly ripped the sticker off his head, "Who the heck is getting married?"

Lazlo laughed hard, "You're such a kidder! You and Gretchen, of course!" He pat the Platypuses shoulder. Edward stood there, just standing, staring into oblivion. Lazlo stood there smiling at him. 12 minutes passed when Lazlo finally broke the silence. "Well, I gotta go get my seat! Good luck, buddy!" And off Lazlo skipped, leaving the shocked Platypus, who was still trying to figure what the heck was going on.

"Edward…" A voice called his name, but it didn't even register. "Oh, Edward!" Again, no reply. "EDWARD!" Edward snapped his head to come face to face with Raj all dressed up, tapping his toe with a look of frustration. "Come on, Mr. Spacy Pants, you need to get ready."

Edward finally got a chance to look around his current location. This wasn't Camp Kidney, it was a giant field of Cherry trees, with white pews and a wedding arch, which Slinkman stood under, with a podium in front of him which a bible rested on. _Slinkman's the pastor?_ Everything was a bit much for him. It still hasn't sunk in what the heck was going on.

"Well, come ON!" Raj began pushing him torwards the arch. _Wait… is Raj the wedding planner?!_ Edward turned his head to face Raj, "Are you… the… wedding planner?"

Raj arched an eyebrow at him, "Uh, duh. Who else could I be? Your mom?"

"Don't talk about mother."

"Sorry." Finally under then arch, Raj brushed all dirt off of Edward then walked off after giving him a thumbs up.

Edward looked around still confused. "The heck is going on…" He muttered under his breath.

"You tell me." Edward turned his head to see Gretchen dressed up in a big, fruffy white wedding dress. "Raj knows I don't like pink. I told him WHITE everything. But _no_, just had to have stupid pink Cherry Blossom trees… oh well. It won't matter when we're married."

Edward just stared at her twitching. _Who ARE you?_

"A-ahem" Slinkman adjusted his tie. "AHEM. Uh, hello. Well… um, Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today for the joining of Gretchen and Edward…" Slinkman continued with his speech as Edward tried to figure things out. _I don't remember proposing… heck, I don't remember ever DATING Gretchen! The heck is going on? I would never let that wimp of an elephant be the planner of MY wedding. 'Course, would I even get married? Why Gretchen? Why is this happening-_

"_EDWARD!_" Gretchen harshly elbowed Edward to snap him out of his trance.

"Edward? Do you take Gretchen to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

"Huh? Wha? Sure whatever… Wait, I-"

Ignoring Edward, Slinkman continued. "If anyone has any reason as to why these two are not to be married, speak now, or forever hold your peace."

"I OBJECT." Gasps filled the air as everyone turned to face Almondine. "I object because I love Edward and he loves me! We were making out yesterday in the alleyway!"

"WHAT? Why you cheating little piece of garbage…!" Gretchen rolled up her sleeves and curled her hands into fists and approached Edward, ready to strangle him. Raising a fist in the air, she swung her arm at Edward. He flinched and closed his eyes, expecting pain, but after a few moments of nothing happening he wearily raised his eyelids.

"…Huh?" Edward looked around. It was pitch black except for one light dangling, swinging slowly from side to side. He could here screams. Gretchens screams, and the sounds of people yelling push. Gretchen was giving birth. Edward walked over, a bit disturbed by what he saw. A baby Platypus with brown hair appeared, soon followed by a Platypus with golden blonde hair.

"It's a boy and a girl, Mrs. Gretchen." A doctor spoke through the mask he was wearing. He slowly handed the crying babies over to their mother.

"My god, they look so much like their father. Edward dear, what should would we name them?" Gretchen glanced over to a shocked dad.

"Ada- beda- zebde- gagaaa?" Edward could only mumble out random gibberish as he stood there in awe.

"Oh, Ada is a wonderful name for our blonde haired daughter. Do you mind I name our son Zane?" Gretchen looked hopeful at Edward.

"Zebee?" Edwards tone was squeaky and high-pitched.

"Yes, Ada and Zane. Such a nice sound…"

Edward stood there as Gretchen stared at her children, cooing at them as the light turned off, making them vanish.

Edward found himself awake, lying in bed awake, eyes blood shot. "AHH!" Edward shot up, glancing each and every way. He was in a cabin, in a bed. "So it was all a dream?" _Phew…_

"Whats wrong, Eddypuss?"

Edward creaked his head over to see who had spoken, he felt his heart pop. Lazlo laid under the covers in the same bed as him. "AGGGGGGHHHHHH!!"

"Oh, you had another nightmare about your wife catching you? It's okay, our love'll keep us strong!" Lazlo clamped on to Edward who screamed like a little girl as he squirmed out of bed. He was seriously freaking out.

"Lazlo, I don't know WHAT the heck you're talking about, but I'm taking no part in it, monkey boy!" Lazlo giggled.

"You're so silly Eddypu! No one'll find out about _us_!" Lazlo sat up, smiling at 'Eddipu' as he approached him slowly.

"_US_? What _US_? There is no _US_! Don't make me call the police!" Edward squirmed against the wall as he tried to escape from Psycho Monkey.

"Ha ha! Stop it you're making me laugh! Now come here and give your love monkey some sugar!" Lazlo then was hugging against Edward as Edwards face was pressed against the wall, his arms flailing around as he tried to escape. Then he heard the door slam open and Lazlo let go.

"SO." There stood Gretchen in her pajamas, up in curlers. "This is what you've been doing behind my BACK huh? You've been cheating on me for a GUY?"

"What? No-"

"SHUT IT! I don't wanna hear it! '_I was working late tonight, I'm going to see a movie with guys and then hang out at the bowling alley, I love you honey!_' Give me a break!" Gretchens imitation of Edward was high-pitched and annoying.

"But-but-"

"Ah ah ah! Not a word! I guess you just don't... (Sniff) love me anymore!" Gretchen ran out of the room on the verge of tears. Edward stood there, hand outstretched towards where Gretchen was.

"Well, look on the bright side now we can be together-"

"I DON'T LOVE YOU" Edward shouted, pointing his finger at Lazlo. "Now I have to get my 'wife' to forgive me, you fricken stalker!" He then ran outside chasing Gretchen whom was at home with the kids who were asleep.

Edward burst through the doors, "GRETCHEN?" He shouted through the doors.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT, CHEATER MC CHEATS A LOT?" Gretchen was up stairs in her bedroom watching soap operas to heal her pain.

"WOMAN, GET YOUR BUTT DOWN HERE!" Edward stomped his foot at this demand, getting frustrated.

After a few minutes, Gretchen was slumping down the stairs. "What do _you_ want?"

"Listen up, and listen up good." Edward glared at Gretchen. "As crazy and messed up it is that I am married to you, and no matter how many rules it bends for you giving birth, I would NEVER cheat on ANYONE with monkey boy. I would kill myself at the mere though. How I ended up in that position I will never know, and now I am mentally scarred for life, but still. Stop being such a wimp!"

A minute passed as Gretchen looked to the ground. Finally she spoke. "Edward..."

"Yes?"

"Edward, your feet taste funny." Suddenly Edwards feet were in a bucket of a sticky water, that smelt of... something unearthly smelly.

Edwards eyes snapped open as he sat up, "Who? Wha?" he looked to his side to see Chip at the side of his bed, and Skip sucking on his feet. "Skip... Chip...?"

"Yea?" Chip looked blankly towards Edward.

"GET OUT! NOW!"

"Okay!" They spoke in unison and walked out.

"Oh, god... GRETCHEN." Edward hopped out of bed, for some reason it was mid morning and not night like it was a few minutes ago, but he didn't bother piecing the two together. He began to run. Running to Acorn Flats.

Edward passed by a smiling Lazlo who waved. "Hi, Edward! Where you goin'?"

"I DON'T LOVE YOU!" Edward pointed his finger at the monkey then ran off. Lazlo stood there for a while then waved again. "Ha ha! Okay, Edward! See you later!" And he went on his marry way.

Finally at Acorn Flats, Edward ran until he found Gretchen sitting at a table, drinking tea with Nina and Patsy. He stopped running and began panting.

"Hi, Edwar-" Patsy was cut off by Edward.

"I WANT A DIVORCE, GRETCHEN!" Edward panted some more. Gretchen arched an eyebrow and gave him a crazy look.

"Uh, yea, whatever, we were never married."

"Oh. _So it was just a dream_… Okay, well, good. But if we were married I would want a divorce. Bye." Edward then walked off, relieved that it was all dream, but a little freaked out.

"Okay, whatever. _Freak…_" Gretchen then went back to her tea party Edward walked off, back to camp, back to real world where he wasn't Just Married.

**-END-**

**Yes, the end. ****HA HA HA. ****I poked fun at people. You won't know it though.**

**Sooooo, what did you think? It's five chapters long. Pretty long for one of my one shots, huh? Usually they're like… three chapters, only 'cause I used enter so much. xP So review, tell me what 'chu think, and I'll give you a cookie.**

**Seriously.**

**Well, thanks for reading!**


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